You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
