You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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