just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize