Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
