Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
