Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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