Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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