Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
