Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize