I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
