I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
