the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
