the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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