We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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