I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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