it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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