It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
