My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
