walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
