so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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