everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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