I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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