Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
