Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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