So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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