Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A bitchslap is in order.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
