somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
