Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
