he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
