i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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