did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
