Don't make out with my wife yet
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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