My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize