Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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