youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
