just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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