Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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