I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
