Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
