erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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