we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
