I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You made out with two different species that night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
