My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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