That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
