It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
