Your mouth is God's brothel.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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