The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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