i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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