I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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