Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
