Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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