Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
