I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
