im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
