dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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