Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize