i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
