During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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