so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
