You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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