Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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