His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
