I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
