is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
