Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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