i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
