i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
