How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
