brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
